Angry White Male Destroys Pink Bike

Biking down 3rd Street in Northern Liberties today, I saw the angriest white man I’ve seen in quite some time. It was around 2:00 p.m. and he was outside in a public parking lot and literally pulverizing a pink bike with an aluminum baseball bat. The guy was dressed up with a white shirt and tie and looked like he had just gotten out of lunch somewhere. The dude had a red Jeep Wrangler with the door ajar, so I figured it was his. I memorized the plate and ran into Higher Ground Coffee Shop and copied it down on a piece of paper.

When I stopped back outside, the guy was still going at it and destroying the bike. He looked around once in a while, but was clearly in some “zone” of no turning back.

Soon he noticed me and was suddenly walking briskly towards me with the baseball bat. I figured I was about to get my ass kicked or suddenly pull off some kung fu shit that I learned from watching Kill Bill. But instead, asked if I had seen anyone rooting through his car. I told him no and he stood there panting.

“I was parked for just 2 minutes, man, and come back to having my car door open and shit all moved around” said the guy walking back to his Jeep.

He drove off and I sat there quite puzzled. Was this guy really legit? Was some guy that had a pink bike really rooting around his car? Even so, did that give him reason to fuck up his bike? The story still remains unclear.

If this is your pink bike (see photo), shoot me an e-mail. I have the guy’s plate number.