The ATV problem in Fishtown seems to be escalating again. I just keep seeing more and more of them zipping by as I work on my computer, walk to the El, or just searching for my car that I rarely use anymore. I can understand "the need for speed" as a young kid, but this is insane. I truly feel like an old man that can’t relate. Back in my day, and still today, I just rode a bike — the good ole healthy means of transportation for expressing yourself. Here’s the main reasons I don’t like ATVs being used in Fishtown:

• Although they stand for "All Terrain Vehicles", driving around in circles in city blocks is just lame. Get some balls and at least break the Fishtown boundaries with those suckers.
• They’re way too fucking loud.
• The people that use them end up using them on the sidewalks as well, just as fast as using them on the street.
• They go through stop signs and don’t obey traffic signs at all.
• The people that use them like to just idle them.
• The cops just don’t seem to give a shit. I’ve seen them drive by a couple of ATV dorks and they just looked at them. Great. They are illegal, right? Yep.

OK, that’s my old man rant for today. I think a good way to compete with them is to get a band together on a flatbed truck and drive up and down the streets while creating an intense noise jam. I’m ready to plug in.